Disappointment with God

I know that it is a common experience in life that at some point you and I will be disappointed. We have all had some friendships that haven’t worked the way we expected and there have been plenty of moments of being hurt, betrayed, ignored, abused or violated. These moments can seem awful and can send us in a tailspin of negative thoughts and reactions. Today I am writing about disappointment with God.

In my Christian mindful journey I have recalled times when I had experienced a disappointment with God. And my prayer is that if you have gone through difficult experiences, traumatic moments and wondered where is God in the midst of the pain, then read on and see if there is a way to get through these times with joy, peace and finding that God has not, did not and will not abandon you.

I’m going to start by looking at an example that I found in the gospels that was about a very real disappointment that someone had in Jesus. You may find it hard to believe that someone was disappointed in Jesus.  I mean Jesus is the Son of God. He lived a perfect life and the Bible says he was without sin and yet someone was very disappointed. Let me tell you the story.  Jesus had a cousin. He was John the Baptist who was some months older than Jesus. We don’t have a lot of information about John and Jesus playing together in their childhood but we do have information that their mothers were close and spent time together before either of the boys was born. (Luke 1:39-66) We also know that John the Baptist’s father was a priest in a Judean town. Their families traveled each year to spend time in Jerusalem for celebratory feasts. (It is quite possible that the boys met during these feasts though this is not recorded in scripture.)

As John got older he  started preaching about God on the shores of Jordan River and masses of people lined up to hear him speak. He urged the crowds to turn back to God and plenty of people did just that. They were sorry for ignoring God and wanted to start afresh and demonstrated this change of heart by being baptised in the river. (Mark 1:1-8)

At some point in time, John had heard God tell him that someone was coming who would be greater than him. And that this person would be the Christ or the Messiah. When Jesus his cousin came along, John recognised that this was the person he was waiting for and he made an announcement.

“Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. This is the one who I meant when I said, ‘A man coming after me has surpassed me.’ The reason I came to baptise is so that he might be revealed to Israel…. I have seen and testify that this is the Son of God.” (John 1:29-34)

Later John is put in prison for making public statements critical about the current Herod. While John is in prison some of his followers check out what Jesus is doing and they report back to John. I don’t know for sure what they reported, but I can imagine they bring back a report of one of Jesus’ first public messages. Jesus preaches, “The spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.” (Luke 4:18-21)

To John in prison these words sound like great news. Jesus has come to proclaim freedom for prisoners- just like him. I can imagine that John might have got excited that his cousin Jesus knows about this hell hole he is in and maybe soon he will be out again. But Jesus doesn’t come. He doesn’t visit. He doesn’t send a care package. Surely Jesus would have done something to show he cares about the circumstances that John is in. Jesus doesn’t do what John wants. So John sends his followers back to Jesus and asks them to question if Jesus is really who John announced him to be at the Jordan River- the Christ the Son of God.  Jesus doesn’t answer this question- he just tells the followers to report back what they see- people being healed and good news being preached to the poor. (Luke 7:18-23)

I guess when we have friends who don’t do what we expect them to do – we can get disappointed. We can think badly of our friends. We can spread gossip and say what a bad person they are if they didn’t do what we asked. We can feel the same way about God. Maybe you have prayed an earnest prayer and believed God would heal you, or fix a circumstance you are in. Yet it hasn’t happened.  In this place of disappointment we can start to express this to others. “God is not really there – He doesn’t care about me so He can’t be a good God…”

Or we can turn the disappointment internally and blame ourselves for our friendship going awry. “I must have been too clingy for him, so he doesn’t like me anymore.” We can do this with God also. “I mustn’t have enough faith for God to heal me. God doesn’t listen to my prayers because I am too sinful.” I am aware that there is a time for honest self reflection about our behaviours which may contribute to relationships going awry. But one relationship that I know is always there for me, is the one I have with God. He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me so I can stand on this promise whether I have been faithful or sinful or not. It is in God’s side of the equation that His arms are always open to receive me whenever I have strayed. It is my side of the equation to keep turning towards him because when I doubt Him I have already turned away in my heart.

Yet there is more to the Jesus and John story that I haven’t covered. Jesus did do something after John’s followers had left. He spoke about his cousin and said he was more than a prophet and was the one about whom it had been written “I will send a messenger to prepare the way for you.” Jesus even said that among those born of women there was no-one greater than John. Jesus spoke about what people had seen in John and how it had made them feel about coming closer to God. Jesus honoured  his cousin. But John’s followers had already left and they didn’t hear it. (Luke 7:24-35) Jesus had a mission to complete and he made the tough decision that this mission was greater than one person.  Later after John was beheaded Jesus went off by himself to mourn in private. (Matthew 14:13) It cost him something.

We don’t always give people the benefit of the doubt when they disappoint us. We don’t always know the full facts of what is going on. In just the same way we don’t have the full facts about the greater eternal picture as we go through tough stuff with God. It is tempting in this place of trial to say that God is not on my side but what I have found is that it is my perspective that needs to change.

Great friendships are forged through difficult times. God is big enough to cope with my disappointments. I found that when I have had moments of thinking God has abandoned me – I can express this to God and He is not offended. He is goodness is not being called into question but my emotions and how relevant they are to the eternal view.

True friends can cope with the times when someone says no to a request. God is the truest of friends and sometimes His answer to a request to fix a circumstances is a firm “no”. When He does this, it is not to make me mad or to frustrate me, but for me to recognise that there is a bigger picture that I may not have understood. God cares more about the eternal view and the developing of my character than my temporary comfort. I am learning to trust His perspective more and to ask for His perspective to be revealed to me when I am still under the fog of only seeing the moment that I am going through as somehow more important than the eternal view.

I am under a delusion if I think I can manipulate God to do my bidding. This one thing I do know- when I have recognised my  pride in thinking that I can control God- I can instantly say sorry and God is right there ready to resume where we left off on our conversation.

God is always good and His perspective brings me to a higher place where I can see the bigger picture and what it means in eternity and for this I am forever grateful. I imagine when John the Baptist got to heaven he was honoured for the mission he completed on earth and finally the bigger eternal picture of his place in revealing Jesus to the world became clear. John’s voice still speaks the same words written in scripture, “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.”